I need to constantly remind myself that I’m not really that smart, I’m not really that naturally talented and I’m not really that good at anything. I need to do this, not because of the fact that I have low self-confidence, but also because if I don’t, I become lazy. I can’t fall back on my ‘natural’ intelligence or whatever talent I have as an excuse to be lazy. I’m not like those super geniuses who don’t seem to study much but get amazingly good grads. I’m not so naturally talented that I can play something as soon as I hear it once. I need to work hard to get anywhere near them. I need to work EXTRA hard to get anywhere beyond them.

I’m not writing this as a ploy for sympathy or compliment fishing. I cringe every time someone tells me I’m smart, or that I draw well, or I play well, or whatever else. I want to believe those things about myself, but I don’t. I can’t be stagnate, I need to progress, I need to get back down to reality and push myself. I need to finally believe that I can do things and make something with what I’ve been given, and stop hiding myself in a shell of no confidence.